Hi! I’m sick. And when I’m sick, I don’t really want to do anything challenging or move whatsoever. And I started wondering what to do with my life. You know, them thoughts full of depression and anxiety which you can’t get rid of and they bother you all day. I hate being negative, but sometimes I just can’t help it and I worry so much about things that might happen or that I’ll have to face…
The biggest issue of my life is currently the university. I really wanted to go to the Masaryk University in Brno to study German and Italian, but I applied to some other universities as well. Now I’m accepted both at the University of West Bohemia in Plzeň (study programme Foreign Languages for Commercial Purposes in combination English-German; fun fact: they accepted me without having to pass any entrance exam) and at the Masaryk University. I was so happy when I realized I passed their entrance exam and I actually can study where I wanted to.
I called mum, but her reply wasn’t very exciting. She didn’t seem happy I got accepted. I had the feeling she wanted me to go to Plzeň. I was quite disappointed about her reaction, because Masaryk University is more prestigious and far better than the one in Plzeň. However, people then started telling me to choose the University of West Bohemia. They gave me reasons such as “their language lectures are better quality than in Brno; Brno is too far away from your hometown (note: about five-hour journey by train/bus); you’re not gonna make it – it’s too hard to learn two new languages;…”
It’s too hard.
This was the sentence that totally got me. I’ve never really thought about it before. What if I’m actually NOT going to make it? What if they kick me out after the first year of studies? What if it’s going to be so hard that I’ll be unhappy to study there?
So many questions. Yes. I started questioning my choice. Everyone (even my boyfriend, who has quite an influence on me, because come on, he’s my boyfriend and I can’t just ignore him) was like “Yeah, you go accepted to the university you always wanted to study at, but we want you to go to Plzeň, because you’re not gonna make it and Plzeň is better and Plzeň is near and Plzeň is prettier city and Plzeň here and Plzeň there…”
So, now I’m having thoughts like: What if they’re right?
The enrolment to Masaryk University is in less than two weeks (on July 21). And I feel horrible, because now I don’t really know what to do with my life. I don’t want others to decide what’s best for me, not knowing what I want. But I also don’t want them to be disappointed in me…
Sorry for this negative post, but I just felt like I needed to clear my head and write my thoughts down…
I want to thank my best friend vonnie, who was and is a great support (and is on team “go to Brno”) in terms of everything that bothers me. I don’t know what I would do without you, girl.