When Fear Controls My Body

Right now I’m feeling horrible. I’m scared, my body is shaking and I don’t think clearly, my thoughts are like crazy. I can tell for sure that last night I had the strongest anxiety attack of my life.

And it was because of the cricket in my flat.


If you follow me on Twitter, you already know almost everything plus my first reactions to the situation.


I don’t know how it got here. I was just watching youtube on the TV in the living room and editing a blog post, enjoying that my parents and sister are staying in our holiday house and so I was having the whole house for myself, when I saw a huge green cricket fly into the room. Luckily, our living room is quite big, because it’s connected with a dining room, so it was far away from me.

I froze.

First I worried that it was a huge moth, which I hate as much, but then I saw its long legs and skinny body. It crawled up the wall and I thought that maybe I could kill it with my slipper, but when I finally forced myself to move, it flew away from the wall and circled around the room, getting closer and closer to me. I quickly paused the Zoella video I was watching and grabbed a pillow with my right hand and the slipper with my left hand. It landed on the curtains. I threw the pillow, but all I achieved was that it just climbed the curtain right up to the ceiling and stopped on the wooden bar that holds the curtain. That was a good move, because our flat has very high ceilings, so I couldn’t reach it there.
I threw a pillow three, maybe four times, but then I ran out of pillows and the bloody thing didn’t move at all. I poked the curtain with a broom, but that was no use either.

I started panicking, because it was 0:17 am and there was a huge cricket in my living room and I wanted to take a shower and peacefully go to sleep, but THERE WAS A HUGE CRICKET IN MY LIVING ROOM.

I waited for a while, thinking through the options I had, when it started moving and then circling around the room again. I ran away and that’s when I lost it. I thought it flew somewhere by the computer, but wasn’t entirely sure.

I closed myself in my room, sat on my bed and cried for another hour. I haven’t felt this much anxiety and fear ever, I think.
I called my boyfriend. Talking to him calmed me a bit. I knew that either I get up and go find it and deal with it or I don’t leave this room and it will be there in the morning and I’ll have to deal with it then. I was too scared and too out of my clear mind to move, so I decided to go to bed and try to fall asleep. That was at 1:45 am.

I managed to fall asleep somehow and when I woke up, it was 7:37 am I think, I felt much better. I got up and carefully opened the door. I was hoping it stayed in the living room, because I didn’t close the door before going to sleep, so it could have flown into the hall, bathroom or kitchen. I didn’t see it, so I assumed it was still in the living room. I grabbed a plastic tray to defend myself if it suddenly appeared, closed the door to the living room and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Now I’m sitting on my bed, still feeling anxious. I’ll go to make myself a breakfast and a cup of black tea and then probably read till it’s time to cook myself a lunch (I’ll be making lasagna, yum). I’m going to bake muffins as well, because my friend wondervonnie is going to come over and we’ll have a girl night, so I thought I’d try her recipe for Healthy Muffins with Fruit. Me and my family picked some blueberries last Sunday (there will be photos soon), so I kept them in the fridge for this occasion.

I’m really looking forward to Vonnie’s arrival, because that way it will be less scary getting rid of the cricket…

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